Silence

Nestled amidst a buzzing cafeteria, detached from reality.

Playing songs repeatedly. Two girls harping along. Their happiness and enthusiasm in overdrive apparently. My presence unfelt. My mind races along as I nod to their stories inattentively. Glancing around, feeling so foreign and unwanted.

In silence, I had a parallel universe. I doused my mind with feigned fantasies of perceived happiness and beautiful memories. I stand and walk, my mind veering about sad thoughts. Remorse. Faded. Neglected. It sounds crazy, i want to inflict pain, the same pain that i feel, excruciating numbing sensation, you never knew.

Hooked on being emotional, like a drug, some part of me enjoys this solitary depression. Another part of me wants to go out and meet new people. One part wants me to push you away, while another just wants to just forget. While here I am, undecided. What is this.

Silence.

Biting. Chilling Silence. A mask shielding emotions and traumas, heartbreaks and misery, boredom and lethargy.