Numbness

having material contentment, the occasional exquisite petit dejeuner' and fine raw assortments of japanese connoisseurs, on the social front, many people to talk to about my problems, yet there lies a void. I don't think its spiritual, but the ever feeling of being emotionally spent. running about trying to solve others' problems, pleasing others, but feeling neglected myself. Racing against the clock to finish assignments while trying relentlessly to keep up with the friends. 9As SPM results yet numbed, without sense of excitement or great achievement. Life with its transient pleasures leave no excitement, but a lingering numbness. Numbness from running a life to the whims and demands of everyone around me, be it lecturers, parents or friends. As I write, I struggle to scheme,  plot, a journey away from the trite, for a future of better fulfilment.

Numbness. A feeling of tiredness, a lack of enthusiasm with life.

Longing for freedom, from this treacherous system of material advancement, wanna live a life of self fulfilment, a sense of achievement and not the trite routine of materialism - ie getting an employment and chasing material goods. However, grounded in practical realism, I must shelve thy wants temporarily and follow the hordes in their competition to scale the height of material success. I want a decent business where I call the shots and not take bullshit from anyone else. I wanna scale the African deserts, I wanna take a journey to the far unknown, live a life of adventure and dynamism, charity, never mind the potential lack of money , for the current trappings of this trite material life, with its treacherous politics and spiritual void is unyielding. 

Aside with the books, unfruitful partners and friends, disappointments, just for awhile. Now, I shall drive, drive and drive till the fuel runs out. and make ends meet - till - my lady luck runs out.